Borderlands is one of my favorite video game series. It is the number one reason why I enjoy shooters. It’s one of the games I can play for days and not tire of it. Best thing about Borderlands? Local multiplayer! I like playing games alone, but it was so much more fun to play in the same room as your friends. It was exciting when the Handsome Collection came out for the Xbox One and the PS4. I had always wanted to play four player local co-op with more of my buddies. I like Borderlands because each playthrough is totally different. The characters’ playstyles are unique enough to be able to have a new challenge and experience playing each character.

No Borderlands game would be complete without Moxxi! In Borderlands: The PreSequel, Moxxi owns the Up Over Bar in Concordia, a town on the moon of Pandaria. She sells some amazing drinks that give you 30 minute buffs in the game for some moonstones. Most of Moxxi’s drink names are based on other popular science fiction, particularly Star Trek and the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

This Valentine’s Day, I thought I’d surprise my hubby with home versions of these cocktails. I turned my dining room into a test-kitchen and came up with some examples of what I think they might taste like.

 

Lemon, Lime and Bullets

Quenches Thirsty Weapons

Based on the non-alcoholic drink Lemon, Lime and Bitters, Moxxi’s first cocktail makes me think of a refreshing thirst-quencher. I want to drink it when it’s hot outside, and it should be just a little sour.

• Start by filling a 12 oz glass with ice.
• Splash the inside of the glass with aromatic bitters all the way around.
• Add 1 oz lime cordial
• 2 oz lemonade vodka
• Fill glass with 4 oz carbonated water
• Garnish with lime. (Lemon can be used as well, or instead of the lime, but lime tastes best!)

Gargle Blaster

Best Drink in Existence

This is by far the most daunting drink!  Moxxi’s Gargle Blaster is straight out of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.  It has to be strong, because Zaphod Beeblebrox says to “never drink more than two Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters,” so I thought of something with several different alcohols in it like a Long Island Iced Tea.  It is said to make you feel like you’ve had “your head smashed in by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick.”  There are mixing instructions in the Hitchhiker’s Guide; but the ingredients are a little hard to find on our mostly harmless planet.

1. Take the juice from one bottle of Ol Janx Spirit
2. Pour into it one measure of water from the seas of Santraginus V — Oh, that Santraginean seawater! Oh, those Santraginean fish!
3. Allow three cubes of Arcturan Mega-gin to melt into the mixture (it must be properly iced or the benzene is lost).
4. Allow four litres of Fallian marsh gas to bubble through it, in memory of all those happy hikers who have died of pleasure in the Marshes of Fallia.
5. Over the back of a silver spoon float a measure of Qualactin Hypermint extract, redolent of all the heady odours of the dark Qualactin Zones, subtle, sweet and mystic.
6. Drop in the tooth of an Algolian Suntiger. Watch it dissolve, spreading the fires of the Algolian Suns deep into the heart of the drink.
7. Sprinkle Zamphuor.
8. Add an olive.
9. Drink… but… very carefully.

This is our version

• 1.5 oz Bombay Sapphire
• 1 oz Skyy Vodka
• 1/2 oz Smirnoff Peppermint Vodka
• 1 oz Grand Mariner
• 2 oz Red Bull
• 1.5 oz Patron Tequila
• 1.5 oz black rum
• 1.5 oz Martini & Rossi Extra Dry
• Pour ingredients over ice in a shaker and shake
• Rim a martini glass with luster dust
• add 4 oz sprite to the shaker and stir
• Pour into the martini glass
• Garnish with an olive, wrapped in a lemon

 

 

Fanalian Teddy

Cures Coughs and Being Shot

Clearly a reference to a toddy, I was really excited to try making this recipe. I wanted to make something that you want to drink when you’re feeling sick. It needed some sort of extra kick though, to cure coughing and bullets. The Fanalian part of this drink is a Star Trek reference, to the Fanalian tea Dax drinks in DS9.

• Prepare 6 oz hot black tea and pour it into a mug
• Add 1 oz lemonade vodka
• 2 oz Fireball whisky
• 1 tsp honey (optional)
• For full effects, breathe in the steam. Or keep adding whisky as the glass empties. Either way, you won’t care about the cough.

Squill Syrup

Part of a Complete Breakfast

Squill syrup has many origins. Squill liquid extract is used with other ingredients to make butercup syrup, which is used as an herbal medicine. The more fun answers are the references to squill syrup as a tasty breakfast topper on Star Trek DS9. According to Memory Alpha, squill syrup came from the 1934 movie It’s a Gift.

When I think of a drink that could be part of a complete breakfast, there are a few real world drinks that come to mind. My favorite breakfast is french toast; squill syrup should go with it. Mimosas, screwdrivers, and bloody marys top the list, but I wanted something that was thicker. The first liquor that came to mind was 43. It is sweet and syrupy, a blend of flavors in the way that Dr. Pepper is a blend of flavors in a soda. Alone, 43 must be sipped slowly, or it’s too much of a sugar rush. This drink is made in a juice glass, you know, to be part of your balanced breakfast.

 

• Place a few ice cubes in a 6 oz juice glass
• Pour in 1 oz Crown Royal Maple
• Add 1 oz 43 Liquor
• Top with 2 oz carbonated water and stir
• Garnish with bacon and enjoy!

 

Penargilon Kangaroo

Engage Your Relocation Drive

Unfortunately, I’ve never heard the sound file the Penargilon Kangaroo is named for. It is the name of a sound effect used in the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy tv show. Moxxi’s verison of the drink gives you a bonus to your weapon swap speed, fire rate and reload speed, so our version uses alcohol and caffeine. Tattoo is a citrusy tasting Puerto Rico spiced rum made by Captain Morgan. This drink will not taste the same with other rums. If made properly, this drink should taste sort of like a sweedish fish.

 

• Fill a 12 oz glass with ice
• Add 3 oz Tattoo rum
• Fill with Mountain Dew (approx 6 oz)
• Stir
• Garnish with an orange, if desired

Brick’s Fist

Fit for Your Face

A drink called Brick’s Fist has to be manly, and has to be quaffable. If Brick were drinking with me, I’m sure he’d order something dark such as a porter. Brick’s Fist is a drink with a depth charge. If you’ve never had one before, it works like this: you pour a beer into a glass that is too big for it, then you put your other ingredients into a shot glass heavy enough to sink to the bottom of the beer. The most commonly known depth charge drink is an Irish Car Bomb, or a correctly made Jager Bomb. Brick’s Fist is meant to be chugged! But if you have to drink it slowly, Brick probably won’t make fun of you too much.

 

• Pour 12 oz Yingling Porter into a 16 oz glass
• Pour 3 oz Jameson Whisky into a shot glass
• Top the shot glass with ½ oz hot sauce
• Drop the shot glass into the 16 oz glass and gulp
• Serve with pizza

Hot Gazpacho

Take it Away and Bring it Back Hot

Moxxi’s Hot Gazpacho was a drink completely made for Aurelia. It buffs your elemental effects chance. We made a classy shot for this huntress. This drink is equal parts Vinq and Dr. McGillicuddy’s Apple Pie liqueur. It shimmers and glows as you swirl it. A brandy snifter makes swirling this drink easy so you can enjoy the gorgeous swirls.

• Shake up a bottle of Vinq purple liquor
• Pour 1.5 oz Vinq into a clear glass such as a brandy snifter
• Add 1.5 oz Dr. McGillicuddy’s
• Swirl gently and enjoy the universe in your glass!

We do not recommend doing flaming shots; but this mixture will burn. If you’ve had experience doing flaming shots, then have fun! If you have not ever done flaming shots, please watch some youtube videos before attempting this. First, pour the drink into a cup made of glass. We prefer actually using a shotglass. Warm the alcohol; about 20 seconds in the microwave will do it. Next, light a match and bring it close to the surface of the drink. It will burn for about 20-30 seconds.

Replicated Kali-Fal

Forcibly Opens Up the Sinuses. Sadly a Fake

Okay, so someone making up Moxxi’s cocktails was a Star Trek fan! This is another reference to Star Trek DS9. It is supposed to be fragrant enough to begin to clear your sinuses before you even get it to your mouth. Our Kali-Fal is a mixture of Peppermint Vodka and ginger ale. You need a sweet ginger ale, not a ginger cola. I first tried to make this drink with Pepsi’s 1893 Ginger Cola, but it was not effervescent enough. With this drink, be sure to inhale before you begin to drink to gain the full effect.

 

• Strain 3 oz Peppermint Vodka over ice into a glass
• Add a pinch of fresh diced ginger
• Pour in 6 oz ginger ale
• Garnish with a peppermint stick

 

We had a ton of fun making up our own Moxx-tails.  I think my favorite is the Hot Gazpacho, but I hope all of these recipes help you make your own verison of the Up Over Bar a huge success.  Follow us on Facebook, and let us know about any of your own twists to our drinks.